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-- -- about categories communication fun healing health life raw relationships self-improvement archives si dawson experiments in self-improvement -- july 26, 2017 -- shut up and heal historically i have, on occasion, been “a bit of a whinger”. in my defence, this really only happens if i get stuck in a strongly negative head-space, which is not common, thankfully. if something is bothering me heavily or strongly upsetting me, i can occasionally spiral, and then talk excessively about that subject. on the rare occasions i’m really struggling with something, this outward vocalisation can get pretty overwhelming – and especially for whomever is being forced to listen to me. ha ha, sorry my friends. i think part of me hopes that by talking it out i can get it all clear in my head (ie, i’m trying to figure it out ). partly i’m looking for sympathy, compassion or support from whomever i’m talking to (ie wanting approval ). the other day though, i had a bit of a realisation. if i’m complaining about something, it’s because there’s negative energy there. pretty obviously, otherwise i wouldn’t be complaining, right? so, since this energy has already come up, rather than expressing it through words , what i should be doing is just bloody well healing it. surprise! this is much faster, plus, when it’s done, the desire to complain will disappear along with all that negative energy. it also has the ever-so-slight benefit of making me less miserable to be around. so, another win! of course, the trick is catching myself before i start spiralling and talking too much. but that’s just practice. the advantage is, the energy coming up is what motivates me to talk, so really, i only have to watch for moments where i start feeling overwhelmingly shitty, or obsessive. with practice it’s also generally pretty trivial to dump stuff immediately, even if i’m in the middle of interacting with someone. now, this isn’t to say there isn’t real benefit in talking something out with a close friend, confidant, or therapist. talk therapy is popular at least in part because it can be very helpful. however, there is a point where really, we’re just going over the same old ground, or telling someone new an old problem. we’re merely expressing existing prejudices & emotions, not making any forward progress at all. this is point where just shutting the hell up and healing whatever is coming up is much faster and better for all of us. share: 7 comments -- july 24, 2017 -- everything is perfect? the first time i heard someone say “see everything as perfect” my immediate response was: what nonsense. except <cough> rather more bluntly, with four or five swear words and several exclamation points. since then, i’ve given it a bit more thought though, and i’ve realised something. every single reason our minds come up with why things aren’t perfect is something we should be letting go of . it’s a negative picture we’re holding in mind. something that isn’t helping us . it’s typically: something we’re resisting an attachment (we want more of it) or an aversion (we want less of it) something we’re afraid of , or a judgement of course, if we were truly enlightened, i suspect we’d realise the deep truth that everything is perfect, and interconnected. however, i’m not there yet, so, i can’t say this with any personal, experiential certainty. in the meantime, it’s certainly a very good way to bring to the surface anything we’re disapproving of in our lives, stuff we’re pushing against, stuff that is causing us pain . just say (out loud or to yourself) “everything is perfect” with as much conviction as you can, and wait to see what disagreeable bile automatically spews forth from the deepest recesses of your mind. once these things are identified (and boy, this approach is effective ), then, as usual, it’s relatively straight forward to dig in and clear this junk out permanently . just another handy tool to chuck in your toolkit. share: leave a comment -- july 18, 2017 -- ho’oponopono + eft i’ve written about the hawaiian art of ho’oponopono before. and of course, i’ve written about eft a lot ( understatement of the year ). however, it wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that i thought to use the two tools together. a typical problem with eft is the “what the hell do i say?” problem. now really, you’re only talking for two main reasons: to keep yourself focused on the specific feeling you’re trying to clear to talk around the subject (ie free associate), to help hit all the related details & feelings talking out loud will also tend to make something feel more real, and thus pull up the emotion more powerfully than just talking in your head. but that’s really a secondary benefit. now, when you’re tapping, often you’ll hit a specific point and feel a lot more tension there. either you’ll feel more energy, or the emotional intensity will increase (eg it’ll upset you more while you’re tapping that point), or you’ll feel a physical clutching or tension in your body. typically, the advice is to keep tapping at that point until the energy clears and you feel peaceful again. as i’ve mentioned, tapping while saying “ i love you ” can be quite powerful here. it turns out, when you do hit one of those “tension points”, saying the four ho’oponopono phrases while still focusing on the feeling, is incredibly powerful. this can be done either out loud or in your mind. those phrases being: i’m sorry please forgive me thank you i love you so. tap as per usual (saying whatever the hell feels right at the time). when you hit a point of increased tension/energy/upset, then focus on that feeling, and say the four ho’oponopono phrases (while continuing to tap on that point) until the energy clears and you feel peaceful. then just continue tapping around your body as usual. give it a shot, see if it works for you. when i get stuck, i’ve found it an insanely fast way to clear out those blockages. certainly much much faster than simply tapping by itself. share: leave a comment -- april 24, 2017 -- wasting energy the price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it – henry david thoreau we all have only so much time, so much life. most other things can be expanded (more or less) – money, energy, effort. only time itself can not be replaced. but then, what is our life? it’s partly the time spent (how many minutes, how many hours), but it’s also what we do with that time. how much thought we’ve dedicated to any given subject or person. how much energy. how much effort. in this context, relationships are the easiest place for some big wins. in any healthy relationship, both parties are putting in roughly the same amount of effort. now, there are always exceptions. we all go through rough patches where we may be struggling to even get out of bed . people in chronic pain or with life long illnesses are necessarily limited in how much they can contribute. this isn’t through lack of desire on their part though, they just can’t. kids, of course, are a huge mess. those extremes aside though, when you find yourself endlessly making efforts to connect with someone (either physically or verbally) only to receive minimal reciprocation? if you’re the one always reaching out, or you’re fully engaged while they’re staring at their phone? something is out of whack. spending time thinking about people when there’s this level of imbalance is only adding to it. that’s your life, wasting away, when you could be thinking about, well, something better. you’re pouring your energy into a sinkhole. you’re pouring your life down a sinkhole. now, with some people it’s obvious there’s a massive imbalance. you put tons of effort in; they put none (or near none). it’s like a firehose of energy from you to them, with the occasional drip in the other direction. similarly, people may ask for help – which you willingly give, only to realise (after you’ve spent the time and effort) that really, they’re not interested in it at all. with s

URL analysis for sidawson.org

http://sidawson.org/2011/03/tv-is-heroin-crossed-with-hypnosis
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http://sidawson.org/2014/05/tetris-relationships
http://sidawson.org/2014/11/how-to-spot-a-sociopath
http://sidawson.org/category/raw
http://www.stumbleupon.com/submit?url=http%3a%2f%2fsidawson.org%2f2017%2f07%2fshut-up-and-heal&title=shut%20up%20and%20heal
http://sidawson.org/2009/03/you-are-not-your-thoughts-emotions-or
http://sidawson.org/2014/08/depression
http://sidawson.org/category/relationships
http://sidawson.org/2011/05/how-to-stop-being-a-victim-and-regain-your-power
http://sidawson.org/2011/06/simpler-eft
http://sidawson.org/2012/09/this-crappy-feeling
http://sidawson.org/2008/11/4-most-powerful-phrases-in-english
http://sidawson.org/category/communication

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